Today’s entry expands the essay “You Gotta Believe In Yourself First” from my book- Nowhere To Go.

Being an adult is strange. You are reflecting on your age, looking back, wondering where all the time has gone. Whatever happened to that innocent child-like curiosity where we were fascinated by random things that led us to try new adventures?

Our younger years were not driven by external forces but by a calling that stimulated an unusual attraction toward the unknown.

It all seems different now as I approach my fortieth year on mother earth. I look around at the image in the mirror fading. And I suspect so do the faces of others of the world as we age.

Somewhere along the way, we lost that childlike wonder. As we grew up, the unconscious mind created rules and narratives around what things meant based on our experiences. As such, things weren’t fun anymore, and then suddenly, a lot more mattered. Now, an hour spent imagining new possibilities or bizarre scenarios isn’t a creative activity; it’s a waste of time. It’s time you could have spent making money, networking, or pushing yourself toward the next accomplishment. Now, if you’re not producing, you’re wasting time.

That’s why so many of us have a midlife crisis. It sounds confrontational, but until we are aware of and understand the outdated beliefs we carry, most of us will keep choosing a life based on validation and expectations without ever knowing what truly makes us happy.

I’m starting to connect with the inner child again. Slowly letting go of who the world sees me as and instead showing up how I want to be seen. I want to play and be a father who is present for his daughter. I’m ready to be a passionate lover open to new adventures while exploring the world with a muse.

I want my work…the only thing that has kept me grounded through the darkness over the last couple of years, to expand beyond limits I never thought were possible.

Adulting is both a strange and wonderful thing. I can feel myself expanding quietly.