As I sit here in the early morning hours, battling with the deepest fears and pains and contemplating the meaning of existence, my words show me how much I still don’t know. It’s so easy to write till everything disappears, and I get lost in flow while the life I dream of comes out on a blank screen. But, when I reach the end of another entry, my mind is too busy looking for somewhere else to go.
Like most people, I have dreams, yet I wonder why I am always so far from what makes me write. It feels like I am so lost, but somehow, I feel free.
Freedom is such a strange word for something we all crave. Why do so many people want it?
For most of my life, I felt weighed down by heavy chains. I chased accolade after accolade, only to make it to the highest mountains in the world, then get trapped by an avalanche of life that showed me it was all a mask.
And now, I have the opportunity to let my creativity flourish like snowflakes falling on cold winter days, and somehow, I feel stuck.
I write and work a lot. I try to make the most out of my life, but it all feels unreal. Single parenting and figuring out who the man in the mirror is staring back at me feels like a story curated by an alternate universe.
Is this a dream?
Why should I want to run from my pain when it’s a part of who I am? Why do I try to deny these feelings and pretend as if they do not exist?
Perhaps you can relate to this disenchantment and dissatisfaction within your life.
In a world where the pressures of conformity are ever-present, it can be easy to lose sight of our true selves. Society as we know it is trying to strip individuals of their ability to imagine a better future for themselves.
We find ourselves questioning the very purpose of our existence. The image in the mirror becomes a stranger, and we are left wondering how we got to this point in our lives. The irony of the situation is that the very people who tell us how to live our lives are often the same people who are just as lost as we are. They are trapped in the same cycle of conformity and stagnation, and their attempts to impose their beliefs on others only perpetuate the problem.
I sit lonely in the morning, meditating in silence in a cold vault of thoughts. I know there is light on the other side, yet maybe the pain and suffering I feel are my gifts to reassure others that they are not alone in their struggles.
I hope my writing challenges you to question the status quo and think about how you are complicit in your unhappiness.
Give and receive love. Work on yourself every day and forget about everything else. Wherever you are, break the mold and create a life that is true to who you are rather than living a life defined by societal expectations.
There’s an entire world out there waiting for you… and, in case you needed to hear this, I see you!